How To Deal with
Unmet Expectations
Explore various tips from PREETHIKA D/O SARAVANAN if you are struggling with underperformance.
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars,” is a quote by Les Brown that you’ve probably heard before. However, landing among the stars can still cause a lump in your throat since expectations are left unfulfilled.
This was the case for Mr Ethan Wolter, a Polytechnic student. “A lot of my family members made it to JC (Junior College), my mom is a JC teacher, so I thought I'd go to a good one,” Mr Wolter said.
The 18-year-old was dismayed when he initially discovered that his O-level aggregate barely allowed him to even pursue his tertiary education in a JC. He admitted that the main source of pressure was himself. Even though Mr Wolter’s family members did not expect him to go to a JC, he still felt like he let himself and his family down.
In a poll conducted by Preethika Saravanan with 122 Generation Z respondents, 69 per cent voted that they face high levels of stress. Unfortunately, only 33 per cent are willing to discuss their mental health issues.
INFOGRAPHIC: PREETHIKA D/O SARAVANAN
With the high standards of academic achievements expected in a meritocratic society like Singapore, youths are expected to excel in school. Here are some tips that will help you to cope with unmet expectations.
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1. Talk to the people around you
In a talk with Mr Donavan Teo, 37, a counsellor at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, he emphasised the importance of having an anchor in life to confide in. “So when life throws problems at them, when people say things about them, they feel hurt, they feel distressed, they feel lost. So the anchor is what holds us, what can we run to, what can we go to, to always be a safe, secure place,” Mr Teo said.
“So when life throws problems at them, when people say things about them, they feel hurt, they feel distressed, they feel lost. So the anchor is what holds us, what can we run to, what can we go to, to always be a safe, secure place,” Mr Teo said.
According to Mr Teo, an anchor can not only be a safe place where you can go when feeling frazzled, but can also be a person, a religion, or even a past memory.
Similarly, Mr Wolter talked to his mother with an open mind to explore his options in continuing his academic journey.
“The way I dealt with the disappointment was to just talk it out with someone who had a better idea and a better understanding of the education system in Singapore,” Mr Wolter said.
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2. Find a healthy coping mechanism
Mr Wolter used to drink and smoke but he realised that exercising was a significant coping mechanism he utilised to get through a difficult time.
“I started going to the gym recently and it's been doing a lot of good for me. Physically, I'm getting stronger and healthier, and that translates to a better mental state,” Mr Wolter said.
According to Mr Teo, it’s scientifically proven that exercise releases endorphins into our bodies. This highlights the importance of sustaining a healthy lifestyle to overcome the academic challenges that you face.
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3. Know that road to success is not a race
“These are what we call the Type A people… The highfliers, sometimes they push themselves so hard that they don't know where their boundaries are for academics,” Mr Teo said.
On hindsight, Mr Wolter has learnt to take his academic journey at his own pace.
”Another thing I did that I wish I didn't do was to compare myself to my peers,” he said. “Your peers' goals might not be what you want to achieve and might not be what is suited for you.”
Mr Wolter made some decisions in the past that were detrimental to his mental and physical health. He indulged in bad habits such as drinking and smoking after underperforming in his examinations.
He went on to find healthier coping mechanisms to relieve stress and manage his expectations.